When I was a child, I believed I had the world at my fingertips. As I made friends and interacted with others I watched them put themselves down and think poorly of themselves. I began to think I was wrong for feeling so hopeful and confident. Little by little, my brightness began to fade. I tried to make others feel good about themselves, but it came to the point where I wasn’t sure how much more I could give. I tried to continue to give my light to those around me. I would have rather seen the light in someone else than keep it for myself. It got so dark, I became lost. Black was all I could see. I didn’t realize that to help someone else you have to be good to yourself first.
When people leave, they take a piece of you; sometimes more than one. Sometimes it’s a whole chunk that they run away with. Even if they left with it walking in slow motion, I wouldn’t have chased them down. I felt like if they took it, they must’ve needed it more than I did.
The good news is we have one heart, and somehow, when part of it is taken, it grows. It doesn’t shrink or shrivel up.
I think those people thought that taking the one thing I had left of me, my love, would make theirs magically expand. Instead I gained more than they lost. The secret is that your light can grow in many ways. I opened my eyes and found beauty in things other than people. I would still give my last piece of shining light to those I love. That doesn’t mean I am empty. By giving a small speck of me, I gain more.
The perspective I had as a child is not dead. I have grown and will continue to be a brighter light with each passing day.
I want to thank those who have ever put me down or called me names. I also want to thank those who discouraged me saying my art “isn’t that good,” or making it apparent that they thought I couldn’t handle what I set my goals to be. I have to thank them just as much as I have to thank those who have encouraged me and been there for me no matter what I changed my life route to be. I continue to work my ass off just to prove them wrong. Because of them, I can finally see the sun that those who love and care about me told me I’ve always had.
And now here I am, with the sun in my hands.