I’m often guilty of keeping myself in the past by reliving old pain. Yes, it may still hurt, but only because I’m allowing it to. I have a ton of stories of ridicule and betrayal. Getting back into a positive outlook after feeling so low has not been easy. I’m tempted to pretend like everything is fine and dandy.
When I allow negative thoughts to exhaust me, I can’t even get myself to clean my room. My clean laundry sits in my clothes hamper, while my dirty clothes stay on the floor, for about a week, before I do anything about it. I feel like I’m a prisoner locked away in my house, when really I’m trapped inside my own mind. It can take months to gain back even the tiniest bit of motivation.
To break free from this pattern, I start by applying the “two-minute rule.” If it can be done in two minutes, I do it right then. I don’t put it off. I first begin with my laundry. I set a timer on my phone for two minutes, and put away as much as I can during that time. When the alarm goes off, I stop what I’m doing and continue to get ready for the day. Two minutes eventually turns into five, which leads me to not needing a timer at all. My drive to do well and finish begins to kick in after a few weeks. This is only one example of how I help myself out of depression and anxiety.
The process is not fast or easy. It is long, difficult, and can be painful. It’s even more painful to stay hating every aspect of my life. No one can help me unless I want to be helped, and even then, I’m the only one who is able to change my situation and mentality. Fighting depression and anxiety is a long process. Even when I think I’m okay one moment, it can quickly change the next. It takes time, but I allow myself the time and space to heal. I have to do what is best for me, not for someone else. My method might not work for everyone, but it has worked for me so far. I struggle every day to keep myself from going backwards and continue my path forward. One of the ways I am overcoming the pain is by writing.
It has been and will continue to be a hell of a fight, but at least I’m fighting.